you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
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you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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