absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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