found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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