I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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