I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
