your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
