I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Little spoons don't ask big questions
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
