My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize