$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
