And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
