just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
