I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize