Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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