My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
