Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
