there's paper in my vomit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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