Duck Duck Cougar?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
