I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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