No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
