i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
