Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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