I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My vagina just clenched in fear
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
