After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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