it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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