dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Girls should come with a carfax report
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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