we have officially lost it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
