Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
