Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
