Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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