My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
