I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
