Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
