after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
