I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
