best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
