I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
