Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
