I want you more than these girls want KFC
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
