My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Damn victory sex feels great
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
