when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
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Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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