im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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