Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
