Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
