I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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