Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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