I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh god it's open bar.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
