just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
