my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
