You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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