I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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