Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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