We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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