i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
