i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
