break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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