there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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