dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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