trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We need a shit load of segways right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
