Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she peed on how many people?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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