So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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