Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize