I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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