There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
