I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"