Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!